Challenging Ageism: Empowering Personal Growth Without Being a Doormat

As I navigate the challenges and blessings of getting older, I’ve come to understand that in this stage of life, we can often serve as a catalyst for others’ personal growth. However, for our own well-being, it’s crucial to recognize that just because we can be a source of inspiration for others, it doesn’t mean we should allow ourselves to be treated like a doormat.

In this blog post, I’ll share two acts of age discrimination that I recently experienced and my thoughts on how we can challenge and empower not only ourselves but others to stand up to ageism without sacrificing our character, our witness, or our dignity.

Understanding Ageism

Ageism refers to the stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination directed at individuals based on their age, but most often aimed at those 60 and older. It can take many forms, from small comments about someone’s looks and capabilities to outright exclusion. For individuals over 60, ageism can seem especially widespread, as society frequently associates aging with decline.

Ageism Is One Of The Last Socially Acceptable Prejudices

But here’s the thing: aging is not synonymous with inability. In fact, many of us have accumulated a wealth of experience, knowledge, and resilience over the years. Understanding this is an essential first step toward addressing ageism, empowering ourselves, and educating others.

Setting Boundaries

While it’s essential to be a source of inspiration, it’s equally important to set boundaries. Being a stepping stone for others does not mean allowing ourselves to be walked over. We must learn to say no when necessary and prioritize our well-being.

Let me say this about the two incidents I’m about to share with you. Through the power of Jesus Christ, I never lost control of the situations or my emotions. Just as I am now, I was “cool as a cucumber.” 

It was a few weeks back on a Monday, while sitting in the waiting room at my doctor’s office, I overheard a lady, likely in her eighties, trying to converse with the receptionist in broken English, while the receptionist’s only interest seemed to be collecting the co-pay.

Apparently, the lady’s doctor was not at the Cumming office on Monday, so she would “have to” see the Physician’s Assistant instead. Despite her limited English, she politely said she didn’t want to see the PA “again” and asked to see a doctor instead. I was about to intervene on her behalf, but she suddenly turned and left…without getting her co-pay refunded.

I recall thinking, I’m glad I specifically asked not to see the PA when I scheduled my appointment. You can see where this is heading. It turns out the lady’s doctor was also my doctor, who didn’t come to Cumming on Mondays.

My conversation with the receptionist went almost the same as it did with the older lady, but the results were very different. Again, never raising my voice and with a smile on my face, after expressing a righteous anger and having a “money changers” moment with the office manager, I left with my co-pay refunded, an apology, and a guarantee that I would never be scheduled on Mondays again.

When we remain silent after experiencing age decimation, we enable them to repeat it with someone else.

During the same week, Jean and I went out for lunch on Friday to one of our favorite spots.

While I was looking over the menu, I heard the waitress tell an older couple at the nearby table, “Yes, I applied the ‘old farts’ discount for you.” My eyes widened in surprise, and I thought I felt a touch of angina again as I glanced up to see her laughing, while the couple did not.

Say what you will, but in certain situations, being passive-aggressive can get a point across without causing a big scene. As the waitress was walking by, I looked directly at Jean and said, “I don’t think calling anyone an old fart is funny.” 

When she returned to take our order, her first words, in an apologetic tone, were, “They come in regularly, I would never say that to you.” From that point forward, our service was excellent, and in return, we left her a 30% tip. Three things happened to that young lady that day: she realized what she had said was inappropriate, she learned how a Christian responds to someone who has been wronged, and, most importantly, she experienced grace. And after all is said and done, truth should always be accompanied by grace.

Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially if we’ve spent a lifetime accommodating others. However, it’s crucial for our mental and emotional health. By asserting ourselves, we not only protect our dignity but also teach others how to treat us.

Educating Others

Another powerful way to combat ageism is through education. Even in Christian circles, growing old is mocked. As Christian leaders, it’s essential that we not only understand but teach that respecting elders is not just a cultural tradition but a Biblical command. 

God tells us, “Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise— so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”  (Ephesians 6:2-3). My kids, your kids, my grandkids, your grandkids, one of the reasons they struggle so much could be the lack of respect for elders.

Scripture says, “Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly, and revere your God. I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:32). It says something about respecting your elders when it goes hand in hand with respecting God.

Many people may not even realize they are perpetuating ageist attitudes. By sharing our experiences and insights, we can help others understand the value and potential of older adults.

Finding Your Voice

One of the most empowering aspects of challenging ageism is finding our voice. Many of us have valuable insights and experiences to share, yet we may hesitate to speak up due to fear of judgment or dismissal.

It’s time to break that silence. Whether it’s through writing, public speaking, or simply engaging in conversations with friends and family, sharing our stories can be incredibly powerful. Our voices matter and can inspire change in how society views aging.

Conclusion

Challenging ageism is not just about fighting against stereotypes; it’s about empowering ourselves and others to embrace the beauty of aging. Jeff Lacey, a good friend of mine, often says, “I want to be the kind of older man that makes younger men look forward to growing old.” We can be a source of inspiration without sacrificing our dignity.

I want to be the older man that younger men look forward to becoming.

By setting boundaries, educating others, and finding our voices, we can navigate the complexities of aging with confidence and grace.

Will you stand with me in confronting ageism, demonstrating that aging is not a restriction but a celebration of life’s journey? While keeping in mind that supporting others doesn’t mean being a doormat for the world to walk on. Remember, it’s not about deserving respect and dignity; it's about fulfilling God’s plan for us to age in a way that glorifies Him and inspires others to grow old and follow suit.