How To Stop Bumper Riders Without Honking Horns, Tapping Brakes, Or Giving The Tennessee Solute.

A couple of years back, while driving toward Tennessee on I-75 in my truck, a lady in a shiny new BMW had been riding my bumper for over two miles. She was so close I couldn’t see her in my side mirrors. I have noticed two things about “Bumper Riders”: most don’t even realize they are doing it, and most are women talking on their phones. Ladies, you are all amazing, you are such multitaskers.

I don’t know if it’s because I am getting older or it was what happened that day, but bumper riders don’t bother me anymore; they make me laugh.

About that time, I went through a bunch of bugs and lay down on the wiper fluid button (for no other reason than to keep your fluid full—this is it). Immediately, the lady in her shiny new BMW backed off and turned on her wiper blades. I laughed so hard I cried. However, within a few minutes, she was back at it again. This time, I had no mercy; I held the button for 15-20 seconds. Because a car was on her left, she could get her entire car washed for free. By now, she realized what was happening. She again backed off, hit her wiper blades, then hit the gas and went around me; never saw her again.

You have heard of the old cliche, “Some days you are the windshield, and some days you are the bug.” Some days everything comes together and you kill it; some days things don’t go right, and it hurts.” That day, it all came together. And I still laugh today when someone gets on my bumper and I can shower them with blessings.

Don’t mess with older people, we might mess up your clean car. Laughing while enjoying my last best bite!