The One Thing Every Child Needs to Hear From Their Parents

This morning my Legacy Journal texted me a simple question. "What's your favorite thing about having a daughter?" It didn't take me long to answer.

But before I tell you, there's something I've wanted to say for a long time. If there's one thing every parent should do before leaving this world, it's this: Tell your children why they're special to you. Don't assume they know. Tell them. Tell them often. Tell them while they can still hear your voice.

To the best of my knowledge, my dad never told me I was good at anything. He may have said nice things about me to someone else, but I never heard him say he was proud of me or that I brought joy into his life.

Knowing what I know now about his childhood and the way he was raised, I understand why. Affection wasn't something he had experienced himself. You can't easily give away something you've never received.

I'm not angry about it anymore. But I do know this... If I had heard those words growing up, they would have changed my childhood. They would have helped shape the man—and the father—I eventually became. That's one reason this subject is so important to me.

Now, back to that question. What's my favorite thing about having a daughter?

If you had asked me that when I was twenty-one, I probably would have laughed. Kids? Not interested.

Back then I had a beautiful wife, a 1974 GTO, plenty of friends, a long list of places I wanted to visit, and an even longer list of things I wanted to buy.

I thought I had life figured out. Then something happened. After a few years, all those things slowly began to lose some of their shine.

At the same time, Jean's desire to become a mother kept growing stronger. Eventually, I came around. Started saving money. We built our first house. Made plans. Dreamed about the future. And Jean became pregnant.

Then just a few months into the pregnancy, everything came crashing down. Jean suffered a miscarriage. Not long afterward, the doctors told us we'd probably never have children.

Being the wise young husband that I was...I figured if we weren't going to have kids, I might as well return to my original plans. So I bought a brand-new 1980 Pontiac Trans Am—with T-tops and that giant screaming bird stretched across the hood. I also bought a 17-foot runabout.

Looking back... God must have smiled. Because He already had other plans. It was about a year later, in May of 1981, we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world.

Holding Jessica for the first time was one of the most emotional moments of my life. I've battled cancer. Lost my grandmother. I've stood behind pulpits. I've experienced victories and heartbreaking disappointments.

But I honestly don't think I've ever felt more scared...more excited...more overwhelmed...or more completely clueless than I did holding that tiny little girl.

Then reality hit. The car seat wouldn't fit in the back of the Trans Am. That custom Trans Am became the shortest-owned vehicle of my life. I did keep the boat, though. In fact, we taught Jessica to water ski when she was only three years old.

So...What's my favorite thing about having a daughter?

For years I thought the answer was all the memories. The vacations. The laughter. The Disney trips. The camping adventures. Watching her grow into an amazing wife, entrepreneur, and mother. And all of those are certainly part of the answer. But they're not the biggest reason.

One day I realized something. God didn't just give me a daughter. He gave me a glimpse into His own heart.

Before Jessica came along, I really didn't understand unconditional love. Growing up in a home where respect, protection, and commitment toward women were almost nonexistent, I had very little understanding of what godly love looked like.

God used my marriage to Jean to teach me about sacrifice... steadfast love... strength... endurance... and influence.

Then He used my daughter to teach me something else. He showed me what it feels like to want someone else's dreams more than your own. He showed me what it means to love without keeping score. He showed me why He never gives up on His children.

Jessica didn't just make me a father. She made me a better man. You know all those plans I once had? They're so far down my priority list now that I actually laugh when I think about them.

If you're young and reading this, remember something. Your parents may be the only people on earth who genuinely want you to become more successful than they ever were.

Parents who truly love their children don't compete with them. They cheer for them. They pray they'll go farther. Dream bigger. Accomplish more.

That was certainly true for me. More than anything, I wanted Jessica to become more than I ever could. And God answered that prayer.

Was she perfect? Not even close. Like most teenage girls, she had her share of drama-queen moments. But if I've ever met a modern-day Proverbs 31 woman...it's Jessica.

Raise a wonderful family. Travel across the country with young children to speak to thousands at different Church conferences. Manage a home. Spread mulch. Trim hedges. Balance a budget. And while she doesn't cook much. She's done well enough in life to hire somebody who does. I call that pretty good planning.

As I looked through these old photographs while writing this article, something else struck me. None of my favorite memories involve the things I once thought would make me happy. Not the cars. Not the boat. Not the possessions.

Every treasured memory has a face attached to it. A wife. A daughter. Grandchildren. Family. That's the funny thing about getting older. You eventually discover your greatest blessings were never parked in your garage or tied to your dock. They were standing beside you all along.

Jess, if you happen to read this...  There's one more thing I love about having a daughter. You gave me four incredible grandsons and a beautiful granddaughter who's becoming more like her mother every single day.

This past Father's Day you gave me a card that read, "A daughter needs her dad all of her life." I'd like to leave you with my answer. A dad needs a daughter in his life to understand what life is really all about.

The older I get, the more I realize that life's greatest treasures aren't things—they're moments with the people God entrusted to us. Every picture tells a story. Every story reminds me just how blessed I've been.