We Showed Our Kids How To Live Life Well, Now It's Time To Show Them How To "Finish Life Well"

AS OUR KIDS WERE GROWING UP, we were responsible for teaching them the importance of saying "thank you" and "please." We encouraged them to appreciate what they had and to share it with others. We (most of the time ) exemplified how to treat others with respect and kindness. We showed them how to manage their finances. And when they were old enough to understand, we emphasized a relationship with Jesus. Most of us agree that we could have done a better job at parenting, but overall we tried to prepare our kids to live their best lives.

Now, In this final season of our lives, we are responsible for showing our kids, grandkids, friends, and neighbors how to finish life well.

MAYBE YOU FALL INTO THE CATAGORY of those who would rather not talk about death. Finishing "life" well has little to do with dying but everything to do with living. It's not about what we say or do during those last moments but how we live our daily lives in the months and years leading up to those moments. I have had the privilege of being with so many families as they honored and celebrated the lives of their departed loved ones. I have also been with families for funerals—the difference between a "celebration of life" and a "funeral"; is finishing life well.

"Finishing Life Well" is living each day in a way that will improve the lives of those around us NOW AND AFTER WE ARE GONE.

Like anything of value, finishing life well only comes through being intentional. From years of observing others "Finish Life Well" and being told I had a life expectancy of a year and wanting what was best for my family during the time I had left and after I was gone, I have compiled a list of 12 things that we need to be intentional with if we are to be a blessing, instead of a burden, to our family and friends now, and after we are gone.

Finishing Well starts with BEING INTENTIONAL

Steps Toward Finishing Life Well

#1 SPEND TIME WITH THE LORD EVERY DAY. There’s a reason this is number one. If we listen to God’s voice through His Word and communicate with Him in prayer, He will guide the choices we make and the things we do. When that happens, we will have the power and ability to finish life well. 

What does our day with Jesus look like? Reading the Bible, talking to Him throughout the day, listening to His Holy Spirit guide us, asking for opportunities to help and encourage others, praising Him, praying for others, and constantly thanking Him for even the little things.

#2 ALWAYS FORGIVE AND LET THEM KNOW YOU HAVE. When I was told that I had a year or less to live, the least of my concerns was what someone had said to me. I don’t want to leave this planet—or even finish a single day—not right with another person. There is no grudge worth the burden of carrying it.

When we leave this world with unresolved conflict, especially with family or close friends, we could be setting them up for years of bitterness or unresolved conflicts. I don’t want to live that way, and I don't want to die that way, And for sure, I don't want any of my family or friends to live that way.

#3. MAKE YOUR HEALTH A LIFESTYLE. There is a reason we are told to "Treat your body like a temple". The health of our physical bodies affects every other aspect of our lives, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and even relationally. 

I think I can speak for all of us when I say the last thing we want to be is a burden to our family or friends. The best way to avoid that for as long as possible is to eat well and exercise often.

When you eat to live, instead of living to eat, you will live and finish life well.

#4 MAKE OR UPDATE YOUR WILL AND TESTAMENT (NOW). According to most legal experts, you should update your will every 3-5 years. Did you know if you have moved to another state since you made your will, it is most likely invalid?

Marriage, divorce, children being born, death of a beneficiary, and significant asset changes are all reasons to review and update your will. 

#5 MAKE OR UPDATE YOUR “DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY FOR HEALTH CARE" (also known as your “Living Will”). I witnessed the agony and pain that my mother went through while deciding on when to disconnect life support for my stepfather, all because they had never talked about it.

A “Living Will” not only spares your loved ones from tough decisions but also alleviates frustration and resentment among other family members when it is understood by everyone that it was your choice.

Don't place the burden of the final decisions on your loved ones during an already heartbreaking time.

#6 PREPARE FOR FINAL EXPENSES. Whether it’s cash saved in an interest-bearing account, a life insurance policy, or a policy with the funeral home, ensure you account for your final expenses. Don't leave behind debts for your loved ones to settle. We never want our family to only think of us when they’re making a payment to a funeral home.

#7 YOU MAKE YOUR FINAL ARRANGEMENTS. Personally, talk with the funeral Home. Do you want an open casket? Would you prefer to be cremated? Who do you want to speak at your celebration of life? Do you want a graveside service? Are you a veteran; would you like the presentation of the flag? Do you want any particular songs sung or Bible verses read? This would be a great time to share a previously prepared video saying all the things you might not have got to say about your Lord and Savior.

#8 MAKE SURE SOMEONE KNOWS WHERE TO FIND YOUR…

• Latest Will and Testament

• Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care

• Passwords to your phone, computer, ATM, utilities and medical portals, and all your multimedia sites (Facebook, Instagram, X…)

• Life insurance policies, bank accounts, and investments, along with their passwords.

• Retirement or veteran’s benefits

• The key to your safety deposit box(s).

• Payment proof for final expenses

• Final arrangements

#9 COMMUNICATE YOUR WISHES "CLEARLY". Do you want someone to have a piece of jewelry, coins, a Bible, a knife, or a gun? Do you want the bulk of your estate to go to one particular child or sibling? Would it be wise for one sibling to be over the estate distribution than another? Make it known and the "REASON BEHIND YOUR DECISION" in your will, or better yet, in a letter or a video to all involved. Even if a family member remains hurt or confused after you have clarified the reasons behind your decisions, they are less likely to blame or hold a grudge against another family member. 

#10 SHARE YOUR STORY AND UNIQUE MEMORIES through letters or videos.

Share your family stories through writing or during dinner, special occasions, or holidays: When my father was fifteen, he lived in a remote "holler" in Jackson, Kentucky. He raised and sold two pigs to buy a bus ticket to Middletown, Ohio, where two of his older brothers resided. After working there for some time, he moved to Cleveland, Ohio, where more of his brothers lived. In short, that's how I ended up being born in Cleveland, Ohio.

I wanted my kids and grandkids to know how bold and fearless their great-grandfather was, hoping it would encourage them to be the same.

Share unique memories of those closest to you. Write letters or, even better, do a video to your kids and grandkids reminding them about why they are special, some of the great times you had together, and how much you love them. The videos are easily done on your phone, or there are lots of companies and apps that will help you create messages you want sent to your loved ones after you are gone.

#11 GET RID OF YOUR STUFF...TODAY. With all due respect, none of your family wants old purses the size of a washtub, TVs with tubes, or six pairs of size nine jeans you have been saving for "just in case" you lose those ten pounds. You know, all those worn-out baseball caps you've collected over the years, no one is going to put them on "their" head. And what is it with keeping those books and Bibles that are worn out, marked up, or have missing pages? You do know the sanctity lies in the words of God within the Bible, not the paper they're written on.  

How Do I Decide What Needs To Go? A good rule of thumb that keeps my house up-to-date and tidy is my "The 1 Year Toss Plan". If I haven't worn it or used it in the past year, I toss it to a charity or toss it in the trash.

Where Do I Start? The closets, then on to the kitchen cabinets and drawers. Then the bookshelves, and finally, to the basement and the garage. Have you noticed the things we tire of or are "going to fix someday" first go to the garage, then to the basement, and then back up to the garage for a garage sale? We then give to charity what we don't sell, and what they don’t want, we haul to the dump. Save time and energy, give clean and usable items to a Christian Charity, and take the worn-out stuff to the dump.

In this season of our lives, we don't have the time, energy, or space to waste on "STUFF."

#12 LAST BUT NOT LEAST, REDISCOVER HOW TO PLAY. So many people over 60 seem to have forgotten how to have fun. Finishing life well means genuinely enjoying the things around you.

If you don't enjoy the things around you, people will not enjoy being around you.

I certainly understand how we forget how to have fun. For 40 years, you have focused on family, building your career, and preparing for retirement. Moving directly from that into a season with aches, pains, sometimes even major health issues, and simply being unable to do what you used to do; it would be easy to forget how to have fun.

Having fun doesn't have to be touring Asia or cruising the Rhine. Although I think it would be! Some of my most fun times are walking with Jean, hiking with friends, or attending a tribute concert by my favorite retro band.

Do things that you enjoyed when you were younger. Or, like me, discover something you didn't know about yourself. I love to write, so I created a blog page. Now, I am in the process of learning how to do a podcast. I have been writing a book for several years (Things are better with age).

Do those things you were always "going to do.” Last year, I jumped out of an airplane at 14000 feet with my grandsons. This year, we plan on doing an air balloon ride and planning a trip to Ireland for next year.

The best part of learning to play again is the people. Connecting or reconnecting to family and old friends and making some new friends along the way. And why not? We now have the time and finances to do those things.

One more thing about rediscovering how to play: it sets you free to do things that you might not otherwise do because, in your younger years, you were too concerned about what "others" would think. Lately, I have discovered, for the most part, that "others" are not thinking of me at all. And if they do, I don’t care at this point in my life.